Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
how drunk are you?
Several
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
