i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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