you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
