I need help removing her.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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