Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
