My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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