I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
