I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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