We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
