why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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