Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
