who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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