and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
