So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
