id be glad to
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
