Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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