I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
