Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
