Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
