Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
