help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
