i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize