perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
