with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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