Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
