He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
