So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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