Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
