Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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