Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
