You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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