they need to just BURY HIM!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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