Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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