why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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