2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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