her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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