why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
