So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
