watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
