I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
