You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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