wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
