She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
