went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
