I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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