happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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