it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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