so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
