Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
