Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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