I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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