thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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