i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
