let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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