New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
