she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
