Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
