Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
