We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
