OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
