It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
