I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
