we have pet lesbian snakes
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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