omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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