Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
