Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
