i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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