try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
