my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
