the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
