I just cut my nipple shaving
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
