There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
