I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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