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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha

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• (516): View more from New York

  He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass

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• (415): View more from California

  I want you inside me. Finish your papers.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.

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