Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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