I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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