R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
