i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
