god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
