i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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