I think i peed on brittanys purse
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
