So drunk its hurt
Small penises have feelings too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
