i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
